Unpacking Mental Fitness

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The majority of us understand the concept of becoming physically fitter and invest in the process in different ways. Gym memberships, equipment, and nutritional supplements. People spend a great deal of time and money on services and products that support this area of their life.

Reports suggest the market size, measured by revenue, of the gyms and fitness Centres industry, was £1.75 billion in 2022. It’s forecast to keep growing further in 2023.

The correlation between physical fitness and physical health is also well understood. When physically fitter our propensity for suffering from injury decreases while physical performance levels increase.

However, when it comes to the concept of mental fitness and its correlation with mental health you may be less clear. The aim of this article is to provide clarity, as well as introduce a potential training approach.

I’ll begin by offering the following definition:

Mental fitness - The level of mental preparedness one has at any given point to navigate challenges and perform at an optimal level. To think and feel clearly. To make decisions efficiently and effectively.

Key points:

  1. Part of being mentally fit is preparedness - There is a proactive component. We can train.

  2. At any given point, our mental fitness and level of response will fluctuate - Like physical fitness, mental fitness isn’t a one-and-done deal. It is a practice. It requires consistency. An ongoing effort to maintain.

  3. The way we navigate challenges and respond is directly influenced by our level of mental fitness - This may be about keeping our head above water through adversity. This may be about thriving and seizing the opportunity.

Four key areas impact our level of mental fitness in different ways:

Fundamentals - Our sleep, diet, physical exercise, and rest levels.

Environment - The setting in which we are living or operating. Are we being given appropriate tools to do our job? How supportive is our physical home or workspace setup concerning our needs and objectives?

Culture - The ‘way of life’ embodied within the system we are living or operating in. That system could be an organisation, family, or even a whole country. Ideals such as values, behaviours, and laws are all present here.

Mindset - The established set of attitudes we hold. These attitudes are informed by a wide range of nature and nurture-related factors.

Three supporting observations:

  1. Each of these areas will impact us in terms of mental fitness levels however to what degree will be on an individual-by-individual basis. Some of us require more sleep than others. However, we all require a certain amount of sleep in order to fully mentally function. 

  2. The degree and way these areas impact our mental fitness will shift over time depending on age and resilience levels. 

  3. These areas are interlinked and in relationship with one another. 

When considering a mental fitness training approach, it is the area of mindset where I would like to focus.

‘We can try to be more mentally fit or we can train to be mentally fit…the choice is up to us.’ 

A mindset fitness training approach that has gained great traction in recent years is Positive Intelligence (PQ). Positive Intelligence is the science and practice of developing mastery over our mindset with respect to attitude. With a particular focus on how much of a negative or positive viewpoint we’re seeing things, and in turn, making decisions from.

 
 

The approach encourages us to claim better control over the steering wheel that is our mind. With improved self-command, we become able to respond to life’s challenges with a more positive rather than negative mindset.

Intentionally making this pivot has been scientifically proven to:

  • Improve work performance and response in key moments. 

  • Improve relationships and levels of calmness.

  • Reduce the propensity for toxic stress.

In essence, we become more mentally fit.

The positive intelligence training programme is a mindset fitness mindset boot camp. The programme gives us insights, motivation, and structure to practice and develop our PQ muscles for 15 minutes every day and it combines weekly video sessions with daily app-guided practices to boost your three core mental fitness muscles.

Further details concerning the programme found here: Mental Fitness - Positive Intelligence 8-week Program

So here we are. A definition for mental fitness, reflection points, key areas, and a training approach to consider.

*Original article published on the Life Coach Directory, 16/01/2023 (Source - https://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/unpacking-mental-fitness)

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Ripples from my Lockdown Breakup

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Aside from the direct at times fatal impact, COVID had in terms of health. Many also found the effect the Lockdown had on their lives hugely challenging. I was no different. Throughout I pined deeply for our day of release. A mass celebration and swift return back to life as was.

That day of jubilation never quite came. Instead, like an early morning fog lockdown dissipated and slowly faded away.

Stadiums re-opening. Family gatherings and party’s back on the calendar. I expected the levels of fulfilment in my life to increase in line with the ending of our 2-year social prison sentence. Instead, I’ll admit I’ve been somewhat unsettled. I felt at first I might be alone in feeling this way but a number of coaching clients and friends report feeling similar. 

6 months later things have improved but still, a lingering sentiment of angst has remained. 

Why was I feeling this way? I certainly didn’t wish for Lockdown to come back online and any threat of it doing so (new variants/monkeypox) sends a shiver down my spine. What was this angst and feeling of discomfort about?

To explore I’m going to zoom out somewhat and review the timeline.

I had a solid and comforting partnership with my pre-lockdown lifestyle, like a long-term relationship. In March 2020 we were unexpectedly forced to break up. I was thrown immediately together with a new very different lifestyle - lockdown. Lockdown proved to be abusive in nature and encouraged conflict. They would threaten to break up and then come rushing back with new terms of engagement. They hated Christmas, and I bloody love Christmas! 

Finally, after a turbulent two years of this forced partnership, we broke up. 

I immediately psychologically re-coupled with my old lifestyle pre-lockdown. Ready to rekindle our romance! However, when we got back together the spark wasn’t there anymore. It simply didn’t work.

I hopped straight into bed with a mysterious new lifestyle – post-lockdown.

Post-lockdown proved a somewhat different breed of cat. A hybrid of my previous two lifestyles. This lifestyle wanted to work back at the office…but not all of the time. They required a few zoom meetings thrown in with in-person catch-ups. They were more confident than in lockdown but more anxious compared to pre-lockdown.

I am generally happier with post-lockdown living. This hasn’t prevented me from harbouring mixed emotions concerning my lockdown breakup. Digging deeper, here are 3 elements I miss from my old lifestyle since our split:

  1. Lockdown made making choices easier. - Lockdown loved to limit choice. Wiping a whole variety of offerings from my social and working life menu. I’d think less about if I was going into the office or not. Whether to get a takeaway or head out to a restaurant? Lockdown made that choice leaving me free to enjoy the limited options open to me. By reducing possibilities Lockdown made choices in many ways easier. Outside of lockdown, it might be considered that:

    Learning to choose is hard. Learning to choose well is harder. And learning to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities is harder still, perhaps too hard.”

    Barry Schwartz (Author - ‘Paradox of Choice - Why More Is Less ) 

  2. New connections and ways to connect - With face-to-face contact so limited Lockdown forced me to explore new ways to stay connected. The men’s group organisation I am part of ‘Menspeak; began daily online check-in groups I became a regular part of. I discovered the wonder of voice notes and began regular communication with an old school friend who now lives in New Zealand

  3. Lockdown encouraged reflection - Lockdown limitations for me created space to reflect more deeply. I’d spend more time considering business practices and developments in my personal relationships. More clarity on what I wanted to create in these areas. I took longer walks than usual and began an evening practice of back garden reflection. These spaces created certain inner tranquility. A level of awareness that hadn’t always been present before lockdown.

It has been said that it takes half the time you were with an ex to get over them. This means in theory it’s going to take me a year to get over lockdown. I’m over the worst in honesty but not quite there yet. This with respect to the elements shared above rather than the whole process.

I and my post-lockdown lifestyle look like we’re going to be staying together for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been re-organising. Setting new boundaries.

Integrating serving habits from lockdown whilst letting go of others brought back online from pre-lockdown that no longer work. 

Along with realignment, I’ve begun setting goals for the medium to long term for the first time in years. However, I have a different relationship with them than I did pre-lockdown. The lockdown is a reminder that my world can de-stabilise at any point.

More so than ever I prioritise today. The here and now.

Time is a great healer so they say. A few more months and with respect to the ripples from Lockdown.

I’m confident I’ll be clear…

 
 


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Trying times - A story of getting pregnant

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Christmas 2016 and we (I and my wife Jen) made the decision it was time to begin trying for a baby. We would make the most of this party season. Next year there would likely be a poo-ing, sleeping, feeding bundle of joy with us for Xmas dinner or so we thought!

Buoyed by close friends and family reporting quick-fire pregnancies we were optimistic we’d be the same. In our mid-thirties, sporty and in reasonable knick, this wouldn’t be t much of a problem. It was a simple case of commitment to the process and surely we’d get the result we wanted?! 

The early months of 2017 passed pretty uneventfully. We had a sketchy look at the time of the month, had a roll around and that was that. It was only once the spring came around the early inner niggles began. Trying for a baby was becoming well…trying. Jedi Yoda once said: 

‘Do...or do not.

There is no try.’

Turns out what doesn’t apply to ALL cases in life grand master.

We began researching more. Gaining a clearer understanding of related biology and timings. We were a team, but being members of the opposite sex this process clearly meant different things for both of us. In terms of reporting, I would get a monthly thumbs up or thumbs down. For Jen, it was something that she carried with her day-to-day. Various body responses giving hints or clues as to what may or may not be going on.

Once Autumn arrived the frustration dial had been cranked up. More bedroom time can never be a bad thing, but timing and performing to deadline can really knock the romance out of the dance. Autumn also highlighted a trip to Japan that we hadn’t got booked earlier in the year in case we got pregnant! Our overconfidence and naiveness costing us what would have been a fantastic trip :-(

By this time the ‘trying’  had truly become a large part of Jen’s daily life. Rather than beginning her first minutes awake with a soothing cup of tea, she instead rose early to pee on a stick and check-in with ovulation cycles. Personally, I felt one of my values of ‘fairness’ had somehow been biologically trashed. I was frustrated and upset. Over dinner we both admitted how held back we both felt, this ‘trying’ was now taking over and having a huge impact on our lives.

It was here we decided to reclaim control. Speaking to friends it was clear that the ‘Facebook effect’ and hearing only a limited perspective of experiences had influenced us, We’d been naive. After all, how many people openly share the news they are not pregnant for the month. In personal conversations, it turned out many couples around us had struggled with a variety of related issues.

From now on would be making plans as if wasn’t going to happen, taking full advantage of the things we could do as a couple who weren’t pregnant. Jen did her PADI diving qualification (I had mine already) and we booked a holiday to Egypt. We took control where we could - including speaking to our doctor and completing some fertility testing.

We also began to look at and get excited about the potential of adopting. We attended an information session and began finding out more about the process. We’d both always been passionate about the idea since we first met so after months of struggle it was great to have a different option to get excited about. 

As a result, we entered 2018 with a new action plan. We would carry on ‘trying’ however if by October Jen was no longer pregnant we would stop and begin the adoption process. Having both a plan A and a plan B meant we stepped into the year far more relaxed about our situation, comforted by having 2 outcomes that both excited us.

Then, the evening before flying out on holiday to Egypt at the end of January Jen reported she was late. When first told the news I mentally panned it off as another misfire, however, an initial test (and then another for completeness) confirmed it. Jen was pregnant. I remember that night after finding out barely sleeping a wink. It all felt surreal. As I am writing this Jen is 28 weeks pregnant and that feeling hasn’t changed.

So that's been my story so far with at least getting pregnant. I appreciate everyone’s experience with this will differ. When it comes to becoming or not becoming a potential parent there are many choices, many different outcomes. What I do know is that for me the support of close friends, family and in particular, my men’s group with processing what was going during this time was invaluable.

For any couples about to start ‘trying’. My advice is to research some of the basics, however, plan as if it isn’t going to happen and if it does readjust along the way. That way you won’t be missing out on lost opportunities.

If you’d like to hear more about my ‘getting pregnant’ story I co-lead a podcast called the ‘Men on Form’ and produced an episode (number 28) discussing the experience.

Listen by clicking on the ‘Men On Form’ logo below:

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